Feng shui

I'm not a suscriber to Far Eastern philosphies so much, but this 'feng shui' thing kind of helps to explain my circumstances.

I feel BOGGED down.  I think I get why Christianity stresses that we not be attached to worldly things, they can cause such a heaviness to life.  Mother Theresa died with so little earthly possessions--a worn bible (or was it a prayer book?), sandals, a rosary, and two saris.  (One to wear while the other was washed.)

When my kids were all younger, I used to feel overwhelmed, but didn't dream that it could be much worse as they all grew up.  But, IT IS!

You see, somewhere along the line, they began to take charge of their own lives, their own possessions, their own time.  And that's where it all fell apart. 

Let me start by saying that our house is about 900 sq. feet with no storage.  The cellar is suitable for two things only: spiders or prisoners in shackles on the walls. 

The crawl space (attic) is something I've never looked at in 25 years of marriage.  I don't even want to open that Pandora's box of dust and who knows what else.

We have a total of three very tiny closets.  No garage. 

I think to sum up how I feel, is to say that I've completly lost control over my own house and my own life.  I don't know how to get it back again.  I've talked to the kids and explained how I feel, and they are most sympathetic.  They do care about me, but I think they all feel overwhelmed in their own ways.  They can't find a spot to keep their stuff, so they leave it all lying around.  I cannot really clean the house anymore.  Every surface becomes cluttered.  When I look at my surroundings, I want to cry or go back to bed.

Every so often, I get into a mode where I throw stuff out.  I'm working up to that again; I can feel that familiar itch coming on.  The  problem is, I hit a point where I don't know what to do with stuff.  90% of the things in this house do not belong to me.  

I realize this isn't the worst thing in the world, but it gnaws away at my mental peace.  

My schedule is the equivalent to the state of the house, too, which is another 'feng shui' thing.  I crave a regular routine, but every day is a chaotic mix of trying to fit 8 people's things into 24 hours.

Ian works different days and hours each day.  I usually do not know what he works ahead of time.  That drives me up the wall.  He and Jake are on different school schedules, some days there are night classes along with day classes.  Tony and Maria are currently in rehearsals for Hello Dolly and come home very late each night.  Dinner is an ongoing thing from 5 to 8 each night.  As soon as I put the food in the refrigerator, thinking we all ate, someone comes home and wants to eat.

John is going into work at least an hour early lately, and coming home at least one or 2 two hours late.  He's overwhelmed there, as well.  

Every weekend, the kids have all these *&%$#$ (sorry) school projects to do.  All their teachers continually assign projects that overwhelm ME.  I already did my time, why am I still doing schoolwork?!  Now, I'm not doing it for them, but it infringes on my time.  It infringes on my money (gasoline useage, ink cartidges, supplies).  It infringes on my sleep.  (The kids are up all night, working, and asking for my and John's help.)  When I say this is continual, I do not exaggerate.  As soon as they turn in a project, a new one is assigned.  This on top of the mountains of regular homework.  I remember when weekends were a time to get reaquainted with each other and to relax.  SIGH.  Oh, did I mention Study Island?  This is something the kids have to do online as well. 

I just don't know what to do about any of this.  When I try to tackle just one issue, it quickly falls by the wayside simply because something else jumps up and 'trumps' that.  It is to the point where I don't want to try anymore.  But, I'm not a quitter, so I can't stop.  That makes me feel annoyed, too. 

SIGH.  SIGH.  SIGH.

HugsxxxAnnie